Cunning Linguist Motorsport

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Kent Cunning Linguist Motorsport
NewCLMLogo.jpg
Founder Pyjames91
Base Kent Canterbury, Kent
Racing Colours
Notable Games Forza4Logo.png GridLogo.png Gran Turismo 5 logo.png
Notable Drivers United Kingdom James Price-Harper
Republic of Ireland Spuditron
Races Entered 67
Championships Won 0
Special Events Won 0
Race Wins 1
Podiums 2
Pole Positions 1
Fastest Laps 0

Cunning Linguist Motorport™ (also known as CLM) is the motorsports division of the Cunning Linguist™ Gentleman's Club situated at 69 Lollipop Lane, and are currently racing under the RRR governing body.

Team History

Beginnings

The original CLM Logo

The origins of the team lay at the humble beginnings of Pyjames' Really Rubbish Racing career. Having designed a livery for the upcoming Nihon Tour, he found himself needing funding to race the season.


After a promising lead sponsorship opportunity from an undisclosed eyewear manufacture was deemed illegal by the governing body, Pyjames came to a mutual agreement with the Cunning Linguist™ Gentleman's Club to help create their motorsport division with the remit of being cast as team director and lead driver.

Championship/Event History

Season 8: Nihon Tour

Season 8: Honda Civic

With funding acquired for the Nihon Tour, CLM went into their debut season looking to be competitive with at lease one other team. This objective was achieved with the team consistently picking up points at every race weekend throughout the season, earning a respectable 42 points and 10th overall in the final team standings. This performance also earned a runners-up spot for Pyjames91 in the RRR Rookie Championship, behind the almighty Blairy.

Season 8s: Clio Cup
Season 8: Renault Clio

Overall the Clio Cup proved a disappointing series for the team. Despite it being their debut season, they felt the teams performance in the Nihon Tour should have translated better into the Clio Cup, however this did not occur with every result in the bottom third of the standings.

The poor showing in the Clio Cup enraged some members of the team, with some going as far as headbutting walls. Pyjames claimed the car had been sabotaged by the infamous bandit group Enraged Chihuahuas, however this idea was quickly thwarted by the group themselves as they are openly Cunning Linguist Members.

Event 14: TURD

TURD: Ford KA "eXtreme Grip"

Thanks to the diplomatic nature of CLM, the team entered into the T.U.R.D special event with an experimental tyre compound known as eXtreme grip consisting of a fusion of 12 different tyre manufactures. Early tests on these tyres proved extremely positive and Pyjames decided the car to use for the event would be the Ford KA, a decision frowned upon by some members of the team.


The first round of the event showed good pace for the eXtreme grip KA with a 10th place finish, however this would prove to be the high point of the event as the following three rounds were considered disastrous with finishes well within the lower third of the table with a final finishing place of 16th in the overall proceedings.

Pyjames insisted the fault was not with the car but with the experimental tyres which in turn angered all 12 tyre manufacturers who vowed to never race with Cunning Linguist Motorport™ again. As a result of this war of words, the team now use melted down erasers coloured in with black marker pen as their tyre compound.

Season 9 SECS

Season 9: Seat Leon Super Cup

Due to the contractual agreement with Pyjames and Cunning Linguist™ Gentleman's Club, Pyjames avoided dismissal for his actions in T.U.R.D, however it was made a priority to introduce a second driver into the team to keep the loose mouth of the number 1 driver shut.

After interviewing thousands of applicants to the team, most of whom were simply trying to exit Homebase without being questioned, the rookie Spuditron was selected, thanks in part to the crate of Guiness sent to the Cunning Linguist Motorport™ headquarters.

The season was an overall success for the team with a final finishing position of 9th, higher than the team objective of 10th at the start of the season. This was helped by the teams first victory in the Catalunya sprint race by Pyjames91, however the inconsistency in the teams results through the season was a disappointment and affected a possible higher placed finish. Pyjames blamed an implant in the head from a midnight abduction the night after his debut Catalunya win, however this was later attributed to an acute fear of aliens that stemmed from the documented alien abduction of his pet dog.


Season 9s: FART
Season 9: Abarth 500

With the UN High Commission of Advertising concerned with the prospect of subliminal suggestion with the name of the main season 9 race series, they approached CLM to be an ambassador of common sense regarding erotic subjects. With the history of the team in gentleman's clubs, the proposal was accepted and as a result, CLM were sponsored for the season by Durex with the tagline "Safe Secs during Fart".

CLM found this event exceptionally difficult with both members struggling to control the car, however on a personal level, the drivers enjoyed the challenge of the vehicles. This did not please the investors in the team who were enraged by the lack of due diligence in the event. Rumours began to spiral about a bust up between the two drivers and the sponsors, however these mysteriously died in the space of 10 minutes. There have been suggestions that Pyjames and Spuditron took the CEO of Durex into an undisclosed forest and tied him to a tree with 100 condoms, however this is purely rumour and has no basis of fact.


Event 15: Cruddy Number Two

Cruddy 2: Ferrari F333SP

With the Cruddy #2 event announced during the season of SECS, CLM managed to secure 2 high profile, 1 off sponsors, 1 for each car run. Pyjames91 secured the sponsorship of his homeland beverage, Spitfire Kentish Ale "The Bottle of Britain", and Spuditron was also able to secure his native drink, "Good Things Come To Those Who" Guinness.

Due to yet another intervention from the UN High Commission of Advertising, the team have been enforced to undergo the alias "Team Drink Responsibly" for the duration of the event as a result of the poor family image portrayed from their sponsorship choice.

Both drivers enjoyed a successful debut into oval racing with finishes of 11th and 16th respectively.

Event 16: Bon Ann Deux

Bon Ann 2: Aston DBR9

In the fallout of CLM's "Team Drink Responsibly" complication, the team searched for sponsors from a more PC area of industry for Bon Anni, however they were offered 17 bottles of whisky from Johnny Walker, an offer that can understandably not be refused. Due to the high class appeal of this brand however, CLM were not required to adhere to any hearings from advertising commissions and will once again race as Cunning Linguist Motorsport.

The team had planned to run both drivers for this event, however it became apparent in the days running up to the event that Spuditron had suffered a severe case of lupus requiring round the clock expert care. This was provided by CLM themselves, hiring House M.D due to his experience with this illness.

On race day, Pyjames had a good start, keeping pace with the class leader, however a nudge with a wall damaged his front aero, reducing his top speed. This was not a big issue however, as on lap 19, a Stargate had appeared through the Porsche curves, absorbing Pyjames car and placing him in a parallel dimension. This no doubt caused much distress for the driver, who's previous accounts of abduction had left a longing memory that was only added to by the harrowing events of Bon Ann Deux.

Pyjames was able to locate the dial home device from this alternate plane of existence, and after the race, returned with no physical impairments, however the psychological effects of this experience may echo further into his driving future.

Event 17: History of NASCARRR

History of NASCARRR: Various

In the run up to History of NASCARRR, it was decided that Spuditron would leave the team to pursue his mothballed Team Tayto, leaving a driver slot open for CLM. The slot at this time is waiting to be filled, with a driver from the CLM young drivers program on the cards, however until such a time as his services are introduced, Pyjames91 will once again race alone.

CLM were able to secure three pristine historic cars for this event, complete with original colours and sponsorships, however the modern Chevrolet Monte Carlo was funded through private investment. After extensive interviews with potential sponsors, the CLM directors announced a partnership with adult video website Brazzers, who fit perfectly with the history of the Cunning Linguist™ Gentleman's Club chain.

The event itself for CLM was a tense and nerve racking time with many close calls, collisions and extremely close racing, most notably with Monolith Motorsport's RaceProUK, who was running at near identical times to Pyjames91, however the final standings were classed a success for the team who finished 12th overall with two rounds of the event within the top 10.

Season X: NASCARRR Stock X

Season X: Nascarrr Chevrolet Monte Carlo

After the success of the History of NASCARR event, CLM looked forward to the new season with much enthusiasm. Most importantly, Brazzers were overwhelmingly impressed with the performance of the team and immediately put forward their sponsorship for the entire season, allowing the team to focus on the racing.

CLM continue to pursue a second driver to join Pyjames91 during the season, however the team are comfortable waiting for the right moment to drop their new weapon.

The team are looking to get a driver within the top 15 this season, a drop in ambition from previous seasons, however there are up to 2 events that CLM can not attend due to jury duty for important team members.

Season X: NASCARRR XS Runoff

Season X: XS Runoff Gay Pridemobile

With the first pickup truck event for CLM being announced as support for the main NASCARRR series, the team were contacted by designer clothing brand Gucci who were willing to sponsor the team throughout the season, however a stipulation of this deal was to include a livery dedicated to the gay pride movement.

Seeing this as an opportunity to further the CLM brand, the directors hastily agreed and had the paint shop create the stipulated design. On first seeing the car, Pyjames91 thought it was a joke, however after discussions with the board of directors, it was seen that the driver should be portrayed as the "Gay Icon" for XS Runoff. Understandably this made Pyjames, who was well known for his admiration of North Korean pit girls, irate, however he had no choice but to race in, what is colloquially known as, the Gay Pridemobile.

Complete Results

Series & Championships

2012/13

Season Series Driver 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 Pos Points
8 Nihon Tour SUZ
Fea
SUZ
Spr
MOT
Fea
MOT
Spr
IBR
Fea
IBR
Spr
LAG
Fea
LAG
Spr
TSU
Fea
TSU
Spr
SUZ
Fea
SUZ
Spr
MOT
Fea
MOT
Spr
10th 42
United Kingdom James Price-Harper 20 15 15 19 12 18 13 11 13 13 11 10 15 DNF
8 Clio Cup SUZ LAD IBR MAP TSU SUZ MOT n/a 35
United Kingdom James Price-Harper 19 16 12 16 15 19 15
9 SECS HOC
Fea
HOC
Spr
CAT
Fea
CAT
Spr
SIL
Fea
SIL
Spr
MUG
Fea
MUG
Spr
CAM
Fea
CAM
Spr
SEB
Fea
SEB
Spr
NUR
Fea
NUR
Spr
9th 79
United Kingdom James Price-Harper 13 19 13 1 9 20 12 17 9 7 17 17 12 13
County Wicklow Spuditron 23 24 24 22 24 24 20 21 18 16 18 DNF 18 18
9s FART HOC CAT SIL MUG CAM SEB NUR n/a 31
United Kingdom James Price-Harper 15 14 16 12 16 17 13
County Wicklow Spuditron 21 21 24 19 18 17

2013/14

Season Series Driver 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 Pos Points
10* NASCARRR Stock X IND
O
IND
R
CAM
O
CAM
R
BEN
O
BEN
O
SED
O
SED
R
SON
R
SON
R
MOT
O
MOT
R
SUN
O
SUN
R
6th 163
United Kingdom James Price-Harper 9 6 13 D/C 12 9 6 14 8 7 2 6 4 10
10s NASCARRR XS Runoff IND CAM BEN SED SON MOT SUN 11th 83
United Kingdom James Price-Harper 10 8 13 9 10 7 10


Special Events

Event Title Driver Car Position
14 TURD United Kingdom James Price-Harper Europe Ford KA 16th
15 Cruddy Number Two United Kingdom James Price-Harper Italy Ferrari 333SP 11th
County Wicklow Spuditron 16th
16 Bon Ann Deux United Kingdom James Price-Harper United Kingdom Aston Martin DBR9 13th
17 History of NASCARRR United Kingdom James Price-Harper United States of America Various 12th
Individual Race Results Points
10th 18th 17th 15th 11
11th N/A
16th N/A
13th N/A
13th 9th 11th 8th 116


Other Series

These championships have been run outside of the jurisdiction of Really Rubbish Racing and do not count towards any of the totals or statistics displayed on this page, nor any other pages which display the statistics of Pyjames' Really Rubbish Racing career.

Season Series Driver 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 Pos Points
Gran Turismo 5 logo.png CAFÉ ‡* MAD
Fea
MAD
Spr
DFR
Fea
DFR
Spr
GVR
Fea
GVR
Spr
SPA
End
TRM
Fea
TRM
Spr
MON
Fea
MON
Spr
CAP
Fea
CAP
Spr
3rd 65
United Kingdom James Price-Harper 4 1 9 4 9

Bold - Pole Position (Odd numbered rounds only)
Double Points were awarded for Round 7.

CAFÉ is sanctioned by Really Rubbish Racing but the statistics do not count towards any totals displayed on this page.


Gallery

Season 8: Nihon Tour Civic
Season 8: Clio Cup Clio
TURD Ford KA "eXtreme Grip"
Season 9: SECS Seat
Season 9: FART Abarth 500
Cruddy 2: Ferrari F333SP Launch
Bon Ann 2: Aston DBR9 Launch
History of NASCARRR: Various
Season X: Nascarrr Chevrolet Monte Carlo
Season X: XS Runoff GMC Syclone